MAD WIFE
A Memoir
In this electrifying literary memoir, Kate Hamilton deftly traces her complicated journey from loving wife to gaslit victim to furious feminist with an urgent goal: to expose how women are pressured to uphold the institutions of marriage and family, no matter the cost.
In the tradition of Know My Name and The Argonauts, Hamilton braids her own story with cultural criticism to argue that we must face the misogyny lurking in the shadows of marriage in the 21st century. She examines the beliefs and conditioning that held her in an increasingly destructive marriage and unflinchingly documents what she did to keep her family together—therapy,
In this electrifying literary memoir, Kate Hamilton deftly traces her complicated journey from loving wife to gaslit victim to furious feminist with an urgent goal: to expose how women are pressured to uphold the institutions of marriage and family, no matter the cost.
In the tradition of Know My Name and The Argonauts, Hamilton braids her own story with cultural criticism to argue that we must face the misogyny lurking in the shadows of marriage in the 21st century. She examines the beliefs and conditioning that held her in an increasingly destructive marriage and unflinchingly documents what she did to keep her family together—therapy, unwanted sex with her husband, swinging, affairs, an abortion—without always knowing what she freely chose. And she considers the damage that was done, to herself and others, until she could acknowledge that to save herself and her sons, she had to destroy her marriage.
Emotionally intense and timely, Mad Wife interrogates how marriage and the institutions that support it provide the perfect ecosystem for abuse of women and children, endangering their lives and denying them autonomy—all in the service of men’s desires.
- Beacon Press
- Hardcover
- October 2024
- 248 Pages
- 9780807016404
Buy the Book
$29.95
About Kate Hamilton
Kate Hamilton is a Professor of English at a university where she teaches literature, literary theory, and women’s writing. She has published numerous books and dozens of academic articles and chapters on a wide array of authors, and she has given talks and keynote speeches about literature, pedagogy, and sexual violence at conferences and workshops throughout the U.S. and in Europe. Her first trade publication, Mad Wife uses these decades of work on literature and sexual violence to clarify her own dark past and illuminate clearer paths forward for other women.
Praise
“How does the patriarchy uphold standards that support and normalize abuse like this? Hamilton both asks and answers that question in her honest and eye-opening story.” —Kirkus Reviews
“Harrowing, fierce, intimate, and ultimately empowering, Mad Wife is a brilliant memoir for our moment. A feminist must-read.” —Kate Manne, author of Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny
“Kate Hamilton has written a memoir that I’m dying to talk about with every woman I know. Beautifully written, unbelievably brave, unflinchingly honest, Mad Wife is an indictment of heterosexual marriage and, specifically, sex within marriage. Hamilton’s is a story of how patriarchy has designed marriage to gaslight a woman for the entirety of a relationship, to distort her understanding of consent and her own desires, and to entitle a husband to his wife’s body. This memoir will have women readers reassessing every sexual encounter they’ve ever had with a partner and wondering why it has taken so long for a book like this to exist.” —Donna Freitas, author of Consent: A Memoir of Unwanted Attention
“Lucid, measured, searing, important. Kate Hamilton draws an intricate map of her heart-space, courageously taking us on her journey of love, heartbreak, awakening, and triumph. I am deeply renewed by her words, a beautiful reclamation of a precious life that is her own and a reminder that we belong to ourselves.” —Beverly Gooden, author of Surviving
Discussion Questions
1. How did submitting to unwanted sex in marriage affect Kate and her marriage over time? Why did she submit?
2. Does it matter what we call this kind of unwanted sex? What other kinds of abusive behavior in relationships do we normalize and ignore?
3. What else contributed to the death of Kate and Rick’s happy marriage? Why did it take her so long to leave? What role did couples counseling play?
4. How do Kate’s ideas about affairs and swinging change between her experience and her writing, and why?
5. Which sexual encounters did Kate truly desire? Why could she not always tell whether she wanted sex she was having?
6. What are some of the “other ethical matters” (p. 108) that Kate and others ignored to preserve their marriages? How might we short-circuit this cycle of damage?
7. What does Kate’s account of the custody battle demonstrate about the values and biases of our family court system? How might we center children’s well-being in and outside court?
8. Where do you see evidence of trauma in Mad Wife? Does the process of writing help Kate repair her memory and understanding?
9. What kinds of experiences make Kate feel empowered when she’s being disempowered? How is power connected to desire in confusing ways for women?
10. Why couldn’t such an educated woman see what was happening to her? What did Kate need to encounter outside academia to see things clearly, and why?
11. When do you sympathize with Kate or judge her? Do your feelings change as you read? What does Kate add to the conversation about desire, consent, marriage, and monogamy?
12. What does Kate mean when she declares herself a “monster”?
13. What roles do literature and teaching play in Kate’s understanding of her traumatic past? Do you think books can cause social change?
14. Do you think unwanted sex in marriage is a common problem in the US or world? If so, why, and why does it go unacknowledged? How might we change that?