THE FIRST THING ABOUT YOU

Chaz Hayden is a debut author who, like his main character, was diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy as an infant and spent his childhood in and out of hospitals. The First Thing About You, he says, is “not just about disability but about friendship and love and all the things that a young person hopes to experience.” Through his writing and his YouTube channel, he speaks with abundant positivity and encourages people to “Be different. Leave a trail.” Chaz Hayden grew up in New Jersey and now lives in Pennsylvania, where he spends too much time thinking about his next tattoo and what concerts to attend. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter @TheChazHayden.

“Debut author Hayden, who, like Harris, has SMA, writes with humor and compassion that instructs without lecturing. His funny, sarcastic, and smart narrator easily reminds the reader that people with disabilities have amazing abilities and, most important, are people first.” –Booklist

“Melding wry wit, awkwardness, and introspection, Harris’ frank narration keeps the pages turning as he grapples with the uncomfortable, conflicting feelings of his romantic dilemma. The ending is a delightful pop of realism. . . . A witty, candid take on love, friendship, belonging, and disability.” –Kirkus Reviews

“Debut novelist Chaz Hayden offers a fresh perspective on a teen protagonist who longs to feel normal in this humorous, unflinching book. . . . The book’s structure—five sections of varying lengths—beautifully reflects how time in high school can feel like it’s moving at different speeds depending on the situation, and short chapters mimic a fast-paced school day. . . . Fans of John Green or teen rom-coms will enjoy Hayden’s reminder that we are all trying to get others to look beyond our surfaces..” –Bookpage

“A cross-country move means a fresh chance in this endearing novel about busting stereotypes.” –People Magazine

“The First Thing About You is a stellar debut about what does—and doesn’t—define us. It’s about being seen, and truly seeing; an entertaining and moving love note to the search for one’s place in the world. On top of all that, Chaz Hayden writes with the humor and heart of a seasoned storyteller. An instant favorite.” –John Corey Whaley, author of National Book Award Finalist Noggin and Michael L. Printz Award winner Where Things Come Back

“Clear-eyed and bighearted and laugh-out-loud funny.” –Katie Cotungo, New York Times best-selling author of 99 Days

New Jersey Pizza

THE DAY BEFORE I MOVED to New Jersey, I told my only friend that I was okay with never seeing him again. Friend is a pretty generous word to describe us, but I wanted to feel like I was leaving something behind.

I’d always had a knack for burning bridges. This, I believed, was a trait I inherited from my mom, who knows how to get on with life.

But lots of people come and go with little regard for the people they’re leaving. My nurses almost never look back. And I can’t let that bother me, because (a) most of them don’t think two thoughts about me in the first place and (b) I need to keep the revolving door turning to avoid a lapse in my care.

That’s not to say my parents aren’t capable of taking care of me; I wouldn’t have been alive and starting my sophomore year of high school without them. But they can’t do it every second of every day, so we hire nurses who are reliable enough to attend school with me and make sure I don’t die on their watch.

On the first day in our new house, I sat watching a preseason football game with my brother, Ollie, who was wearing a sweatshirt from the University of Virginia—his future college and the lacrosse team he’d be playing for the following year. He was sitting next to a stack of boxes on the couch we’d dragged across the country.

Our parents walked in, each looking more exhausted than the other. Mom’s hands were placed firmly on her hips, which actually wasn’t a sign of her being mad. She was about to ask us a question or tell us to do something.

“We’re ordering pizza for dinner, okay?” she said. “I’m tired, and there’s nothing in the house to cook anyway.”

“I hate pizza,” I said. “It’s gross.”

“Too bad, Harris. I’m not running to the grocery store at ten o’clock just to buy you chicken nuggets. You can deal with pizza for one night.” She walked away, leaving no opportunity for a rebuttal. To argue with my mom, I had to be faster.

“Dude, we’re in New Jersey. Some of the best pizza in the country is right here,” Ollie told me.

I ignored him.

Dad lingered behind. “Ollie, can you get up and help a little? Pick up those boxes and bring them into your room?”

“Why didn’t the movers unpack everything?”

“It doesn’t matter. I asked you to do something.”

Ollie dragged his body off the couch, picked up two boxes, and stomped down the hall toward our connecting bedrooms. Dad followed with the rest of the boxes.

I sat alone in an unfamiliar place.

Our house back in San Diego hadn’t been big enough for my family, the several nurses who are always coming and going—not to mention the four hundred pounds of metal strapped to my ass. Someone always seemed to be in the way.

The new place seemed pretty good so far. Ollie and I had our own mini wing on the main level. Next to our bedrooms was a huge bathroom with a roll-in shower large enough for me to do donuts in with my wheelchair. Trust me, I’d tried.

You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is for real-estate agents to understand what wheelchair accessible means. My parents probably spent more time explaining that than driving cross-country. Like, no, the house can’t have stairs.

The kitchen filled up with the sounds of my parents arguing and ceramic plates clanking, until it was decided we’d use paper instead. Tensions between everyone were higher than usual. Turned out moving was pretty stressful.

I pulled up to my end of the table, which we’d brought from back home. Thank God for something familiar. My mom picked up the slice of pizza in front of me and shoved it into my mouth. My disability makes it difficult for me to lift my arms and feed myself. Even small things like a piece of cereal or a plastic spoon pose a challenge. I used to have the muscles to eat independently, but over time I’ve lost them.

But to be honest, having someone feed you is pretty cool. Despite the occasional mess in my lap from people dropping food, I usually feel like a king being fed by servants. Except those servants are my parents, my brother, or a nurse.

“Are you excited to start at your new schools?” Mom asked.

“We’re not five years old,” Ollie responded. “We’re in high school. No one’s excited.”

I swallowed my first bite of pizza. (I’m a very slow eater.) “I’m pretty excited. New people means no one knows me. I can reinvent myself. Maybe they won’t notice my wheelchair.”

“They’re strangers, not blind,” Ollie said.

“Either way, I’m glad we left California. I never want to think about that place again.”

“Hey, don’t be like that,” Dad said.

“Be like what?” I asked. “I was miserable there. I had no friends, it was always hot, and it’s not like I could go to the beach. Besides, I had at most three good nurses in the last fifteen years.”

“What about you, Ollie?” Mom asked, clearly giving up on me. “Your new lacrosse team is way better than the one in San Diego.”

“I don’t know. Coach introduced me to some of the guys on the team during my tour yesterday. They seemed like jerks.”

“Maybe they think you’re a jerk,” I added.

“Shut up.”

“Guys, stop,” our mom ordered. “What makes you think they’re jerks?”

Ollie shrugged. “None of them would talk to me.”

“Why not?”

“Probably because they know I’m better than them. They’re pissed off I’m on the team.”

“Well, the season doesn’t start for a few months. You have time to make friends.”

“I don’t need to be friends with them. I’m not there to make friends. I’m there to win a championship and then leave for Virginia.”

While my brother vented about whether he needed friends to play a team sport, Mom pivoted back to me. “I got a call from the nursing agency here. They have a few people who are interested in going to school with you, Harris.”

“Are they young?” I asked.

“I told them you prefer younger nurses. We’ll see.”

“I prefer young and beautiful, but I’ll settle for young.”

“You’ll settle for what they send,” my dad said.

“Yeah, why do they have to be young?” Ollie asked.

“They’re there to take care of you. You don’t have to date them.”

Mom raised a cup of water to my mouth. I took a sip from the straw and then another bite of pizza.

“Harris needs a contemporary with him,” Mom said. “How would you feel if an old fuck followed you around school all day?”

Ollie shrugged. “Honestly, I wouldn’t care.” Then he secretly flipped me the finger from across the table.

Our dad rejoined the conversation. “Clare, don’t let Harris be too picky. Otherwise you’ll end up at school with him every day.”

“I don’t mind. Harris and I have a great time together, and either way, I’m going with him for the first few days.”

The discussion ended with no counterarguments. Of course, it wasn’t ideal for my mom to be with me at school, but it wasn’t the worst. She was pretty cool for a mom, and not having to worry about a new person following me in a new school was comforting.

After a few bites of New Jersey pizza, I didn’t see what all the fuss was about. If that claim to fame was crap, what were the odds Jersey’s nurses would be any better?

A LETTER FROM THE AUTHOR

Hey, friends!

My name is Chaz Hayden and I’m a debut YA author living with a disability called spinal muscular atrophy. That just means I have weak muscles and get to ride around in an awesome powered wheelchair.

I know it’s kind of a strange way to introduce myself before you even read my book, but my wheelchair is usually the first thing people notice about me—though since we’re meeting on paper, I wanted to mention it up front, since it’s something I’m not ashamed of. My disability has made me into the person I am today—and it’s a big part of what inspired me to write my debut novel, The First Thing About You.

Because of everything I experienced growing up (surgeries, countless weeks in the hospital, wanting to be like all my able-bodied friends), I wanted to write a story that truly captured what it feels like to be a young person with a disability. So often we see disability portrayed in media as a tragedy or an aside that’s never fully developed or authentically shown. In The First Thing About You, I wanted to make sure that Harris’s disability was obvious but never overshadowed the story, that his everyday struggles were understood but the reader never pities his life.

But this is not a story about disability. This is a story about a boy who wants exactly what every other teenager wants: to be seen and loved and to experience the fun but terrifying roller coaster of adolescence. It just so happens that this main character is also in a wheelchair.

If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that the people we meet (real or imagined) allow us to become who we are truly meant to be. Harris, Miranda, Nory, and Zander have all changed me, in the best possible ways. I hope they do the same for you.

Thank you for giving The First Thing About You a shot and for letting us into your life.

Much love,

Chaz